Warped Theology...
Check out this interesting excerpt Christine cited on her blog:
Warped Theology of Singleness
This author makes some pretty poignant points about the phrasing choices we use to express our current condition. It took me a long time to understand that marriage is not a reward for the worthy. Just looking around at couples I know illustrates that there is no prerequisite maturity level before God allows people to pair off and tie the knot. Yet we still want to spiritualize things we don't understand (ie. why WE, personally, have not been chosen yet) and attribute characteristics to God or laws to a system that are not true. What do you think?
posted by Lorie @ 9:26 AM
16 Comments:
what do you get when you combine an article about relationships, a couple of Aussies, and a guy who doesn't believe in Hell?
lots of comments.
please pray for Kyle.
You are not kidding. :)
"Just looking around at couples I know illustrates that there is no prerequisite maturity level before God allows people to pair off and tie the knot."
What are you implying, k? That cracked me up. But seriously, it is a good point. "The hidden things belong to God." And, often, the reason that one person is single while another is blessed with a mate is truly, from our perspective, a "hidden" one. It's easy, but often wrong, to think that the reason for singleness is that the single person is not mature enough (or some such variation of that thinking). There are mature and immature marrieds, just as there are mature and immature singles.
Precisely.
For some reason, there are many of us who have thought or think (whether consciously or subconsciously) that marriage is a reward or blessing bestowed by God on people who are "ready". So, clearly, if God has not led "the one" into my life, there must be something wrong with me (or them) that has to be "fixed".
Lies, I tell you. :)
You know why we think that, really? (And I mean a seriously imbedded, probably subconscious reason.) Pride. We have to figure everything out. We have to understand everything, to know what God knows.
It goes back to Eden, when God told them not to eat the forbidden fruit but didn't tell them why -- only that if they ate it they'd die.
Satan said, "Oh yeah? Well, you know WHY he doesn't want you to eat it? Because if you do, your eyes will be opened and you'll be like God. You'll know the difference ...'between blessing and calamity.' " (Amplified version).
We always have to know WHY. We have such a hard time saying, "Lord, I don't understand this or that situation you've placed me in, but I'll do what You say regardless." We have to make sense out of it, to figure it out, and to possibly come up with a way to place ourselves in a preferred situation by our own effort ("I'll become a more mature, patient, loving, complete person and THEN God will bless me with a mate").
It's about control.
Absolutely
Bobby, great thoughts!! u too Lorie
After much lamenting with girls on this very topic, my Rose-ism is..
"Singleness is no more a punishment for disobedience than marriage is a reward for obedience."
I can't count the number of girls that spot the man for them, decide it's time to be godly and all of a sudden start spending time with the Lord daily - as if that is the road to marriage. It is the way God prepares us for marriage, but isn't a means to an end.
The older I get (ugh) the less tolerant I am of under 25's struggle with waiting. Never tell a 30-10 who's saved herself for marriage that you are about to pop...talk to the hand! :) Walk a few years in my shoes....life is glorious....realize the blessings God bestows and if a hunky, godly man is part of that, well, yummy! Icing on the cake!
Good word, Rosieboo. :) I, too, get a little frustrated with the under-30s who want to give ME the woe-is-me-I'm-single speil...but at the same time, it just goes to show us that we're all the same. Made for relationships, at any and every age.
I remember how shocked I was once when talking to an "older" (probably late 40s at the time, I was 22) single woman, that she answered the question, "When did you stop wanting to be married?" with "I STILL want to be married!" I had always ASSUMED that if you got "that" old, that God just took that desire away... :)
There is a dichotomy which I think resonates with many. I think the older I get, as a male, the more I realize that perhaps I have been too picky over the years, too judgmental, too unforgiving. Nonetheless, I also hear these thoughts echo, "Never, ever settle for fear that 'Mr. Right' or 'Mrs. Right' will never come along."
I think there is a lot to the idea that we should always be very honest with ourselves about our "standards" and qualifications for a mate. A friend challenged me once with the question, "Are you to your suitors what you expect them to be to you?" (ie. are you asking someone to be something that you're not---in terms of character, readiness, etc.) Which I think is a great question. Am I extending to my potential suitors (WHAT a weird word) the same grace that I need/want them to extend to me?
People say we can't be "too" picky. But we can. My list of Qualities I Look For In A Mate has changed and shortened somewhat over the years. Not because I've grown less picky, but because maturity and experience has helped to distill the important and essential things.
But, ultimately, over all of that God is sovereign and his timing is always perfect. I cling to and rest in that truth.
Great point...If it were not for my belief in God's sovereign, guiding hand in my life, I would be hopeless. Isn't it comforting to believe in a God who has ordained our days according to his will before we were even born. He knows what's best even when we can't see why in the world our circumstances don't turn out the way we want.
It IS comforting. Sometimes frustrating, but definitely comforting. :)
great thoughts Lorie-
Here is my most recent spiritual epiphany on the whole relationship (or lack thereof) issue as it relates to my life. The things that God has done in my life in the last few years can be nothing less than miracles. When I think about all that God has done for me, I feel like I'm being frustrated with God for not giving me somebody else's blessings (like all my married friends) instead of seeing the beauty in the ways He's blessed me. Like if your Dad showed up at your door with a shiny new Jaguar and you said "that's cool, but I really wanted a Mercedes". Thank goodness God is way more patient with me than I am with Him.
GREAT analogy, my friend! And an encouragement to all of us!
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