Getting what we deserve...
I got my weekly "850 Words of Relevant" email today and this is an exerpt from the feature article ("Longevity") written by Dan Haseltine and inspired by his grandparents' 80th wedding anniversary. Some of the things here (which I conveniently bolded for your easy identification) were particularly convicting to me:
I think some of our cultural ideas can be poison for relationships. We seem to operate on two basic ideas: what we deserve, and who we can blame for not getting it.
There seem to be more “Christian” marriages that dissolve slowly or end quickly, and I am amazed that even counselors, who are provoked in their vocation by the Gospel, tell couples that the situation they are in is just too corrupt to be reconciled. I have often wondered what this truly means in light of the Gospel. I look at those who have stood the test of time, and after wading through so many back-handed comments and justifications that dismiss the accomplishment—statements like, “Well, they are just from another generation, a generation of people who stayed together”—I am aware that we just don’t see the Gospel account of marriage as valid anymore.
Look at the marriage of Jesus, the one He has been in for eternity, the one with the bride who sleeps around, never listens, disowns, scorns, dishonors, runs away, intentionally proves to be more interested in anything but her husband, is selfish and bears the children of every affair and the scent of every escapade. It was a marriage that killed Jesus. And it was the Gospel that brought Him back to life to love once more. Jesus endures the worst marriage of all. His bride nails Him to a cross, and there are no metaphors to compare His suffering to what we think we endure.
We will continue to search for ways to be appreciated in our marriages, for ways to be cherished, and if we do not find them, then we leave. Because we are not getting what we want, or feel like we need, our spouse is to blame. We are people who like to move from relationship to relationship, church to church, in search of what fills us, rather than what allows us to fill others. But what we think we deserve by way of our cultural cues is quite different from what we do deserve.
What we deserve is to be lonely, what we deserve is to be isolated from the one who loves us better than anyone else. What we deserve is to never be pushed forward, to never deepen in our wisdom and experience of love and community. What we deserve is to die a dark and disconnected fate. And if we are going to apply the rules of culture today, the only one to blame for not getting what we deserve is Jesus.
posted by Lorie @ 8:47 AM
37 Comments:
My ex and I went to two different counselors in our final years. The first was a Christian but my ex didn't like him (she said it wasn't because he was a Christian counselor, it was because he was a male).
So she found a female counselor who was not a Christian, and said she would only go to her. This counselor told us we should split up.
My ex said that for her to stay in the marriage, we would have to take a year "off" of church, and be able to "explore other options" (she and an ex-boyfriend were interested in each other).
Not to make excuses for her (or for me, because my answer was to move out) but this thinking came from her parents, and the way they raised her. They were each married three times, and lived with a variety of other people. Her dad and his current wife are "swingers," couples who go to orgies where the "game" is to "spouse swap".
This is a very condensed tale and leaves a lot of stuff out but anyway, it's a messed up world.
You're playing for a love you'll never find outside of these arms of mine.
Pedro the Lion
From their song, Of Minor Prophets and their Prostitute Wives
What a GREAT line!
dang good article...it is true isn't...one or both parties have a consumer mentality when it comes to relationships...if things get rocky, I'll move on to the next relationship to find "my ideal, or my soulmate." Bobby, sorry to hear about your misfortune...It is true that often one party is willing but the other is not.
I'm hear to tell all the bloggers of the blogosphere and beyond that there is no such person as "the ideal, or the soulmate." Find someone who you can be a best friend with and with whom you are passionate about and work it out...end of story...
What we deserve is to be lonely, what we deserve is to be isolated from the one who loves us better than anyone else. What we deserve is to never be pushed forward, to never deepen in our wisdom and experience of love and community. What we deserve is to die a dark and disconnected fate....
Ya know typically I would really comment aginst things of this depressing magnitude, but alas you are right. At least know from my persepctive the whole "M" word has changed into something deeper and much longer, and knowing who and how I am, I know personally I don't deserve it yet. It is a matter of grace.
I could go on for a while on this point alone, about grace, and God's grace. I always wanted to marry, but I don't want to marry w/o God.
I KNOW! The part about Christ and his bride was the most convicting and revelatory to me, too.
Tom, Haseltine isn't merely being pessimistic or depressing when he talks about what we deserve. That is the reality of who we are as fallen man, naturally inclined to rebel against any and all that is truly good for us (God and his designs). So he's speaking about what we deserve as sinners and individuals, not necessarily in the context of marriage. Just don't want there to be any confusion about that...
And, you're right, God's grace is a truly amazing thing, given the reality of what we deserve and could be given.
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I recently read a book about women's sexuality, and got to a chapter whose title I've since forgotten, but the truth of it still rips me up whenever I think about it. The author starts the chapter with a story which ends with the image of a groom weeping in the reception hall because his new-made bride is seducing other men in his very presence. As I read the story, I started to cry. How sad (and how insufficient that word "sad" is) that we (I!) chase after happiness instead of finding it in the arms of our Husband Christ!
Lorie, thanks for this article. It's a timely reminder in my life that God's grace is so good, so incredible, so undeserved. I don't deserve anything but judgment and misery and death, but God has given me pardon and joy and life instead. May He bless you beyond your wildest dreams with every desire of His heart.
Lorie,
What a great post!
Sorry, I knew how he meant it as he is right, it is oen of those truths that no matter how dark or down they may seem, it is still a truth to be accepted.
Very Powerful article. Very convicting of my own situation. My desire for a husband, many time overwelmns me to tears. And at the same time I am frustrated that at my ability to feel that Christ just isn't enough. I hate to feel this way about the one who does extend such grace to us...It just shows you that even as a Christian, with the holy spirit residing in you, we are still prone to wander.
how often we forget that our true "soul mate" is Christ. it is strange, that Christians have the author of love in our hearts, and that unlike unbelievers, we should be able to get it right. how truly we are dependant on Christ just to get things some what right.
You know we deserve? HELL! Sometimes I prace around like I deserve everything good.
"Stupid girl. She was dressed like she deserved everything that she got. Bloody pumps. Dead girl. Hello world. Thanks alot, thanks alot."
-Patty Griffin "Flaming Red"
Lorie-
How did you get that word verification thing? I need that before the spammers find me! AUGH!
Nikki it's under the blog settings for comments....its called word verification. Click the button and it will start doing it.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I agree that so much of what young Christians adhere to nowadays is based on cultural assumptions, rather than biblical standards. "Feelings" seem to be the driving force in sadly too many cases. Yet, as your quote made clear, the way we've treated Jesus is so often based on feelings of the moment. We have abused Him beyond belief, and our sin left Him beyond recognition on the cross (cf. Isaiah 53:3). In spite of that, we expect much better treatment from fellow mortals....
Tim H.(friend of Charley and Marianne)
It's like been a month, time fer somtin new dere girly gurl!!!
POST
DO IT!!!!!
:)
Hi, I'm Harvey Brown.
What has helped me a lot is a neat little trick that I will now share with you and your listeners.
Get you a bracelet, but not just any bracelet -- make sure it has these letters: WWJD.
What's this? It's "What Would Jesus Do." If you take the first letters of each of those words, you'll see that it equals WWJD. So you wear that, and every time you look at it you'll ask yourself that question, and then you'll act like the Lord.
You have a nice blog here. I will add it to my list and check it each day after I check the Rachael Lampa tour schedule page.
Harvey, I think you may have something there. Where can Lorie get one of those bracelets?
You should, um, have your own blog. I'd read it.
I used to have one of those bracelets, but I kept asking myself what I would do. Needless to say, that tended not to work out so well in the long run.
Hello, this is Harvey Brown.
Brother Jason, I think I see your problem. You're not supposed to ask "What would I do," you're supposed to ask "What would Jesus do?"
But I can see where it would be confusing because your name begins with a J, like Jesus, and the bracelets only have the first letters. I don't think there would have been enough room on them to spell out the whole words though. So you just have to remember "Jesus, not me." Which is a good thing to always remember.
Also, Lorie's name starts with an L so I don't think she'll be confused.
Bobby, you can get those bracelets all over the place but I try to mostly shop for that kind of thing at Christian-owned businesses because it's going back to the Lord.
please lorie, post something so we do not get outdated fashion comercials. no offense harvey, i just don't need a bracelet when conviction does just fine for me.
This is Harvey Brown.
The bracelets are actually cool. And there's nothing wrong with being cool for Christ, I say. That's why I hand the bracelets out in the parking lot of my old school. Most people will take them, and I've seen more and more people wearing them around town. Also, they are a lot cheaper than my message T-shirts and Moses bobblehead, so I can afford to use them as witness tools.
Hello, this is Harvey Brown.
Lorie, I heard on Cheryl's blog that the cat in your picture is from Cyprus. But I couldn't tell if that was a joke. Is it true? Because it looks like my cat. I thought maybe you got a picture with him back in our home state, but obviously I must be mistaken if he's from Cyprus because I've never been there.
I been to Harrisburg, West Virginia though.
God bless!
Who is the mysterious Harvey Brown?
Is this Harvey Brown?
Hello, this is Harvey Brown.
No, that isn't me, although he looks like a great guy and a credit to my name!
Sometimes I think I am destined for greatness, in Christ of course. Because I am always winning debates with people. By his grace, I have never lost a debate on a matter pertaining to His will being done on earth, as it is in heaven. I want to be a warrior for the Lord -- to bear witness to His glory by effectively communicating His will to people -- to the Christian, so He will be better equipped to do the work of the Kingdom, and to the sinner man, so he will come to the realization of his own pride, and the saving grace of our Lord.
Are you saying you've never debated Christianity with someone who didn't end up accepting Christ? I'd have to say that's intruiging. Perhaps you should meet my agnostic cousin. I'm pretty sure she's never lost a debate either. :)
salvation is not a mass production. The teachings of Jesus are clear that not many people will end up seeing the kingdom. winning debates does not mean jack compared to another soul surrendering to Christ.
Au contraire, ma freur.
This is Harvey Brown.
"Straight is the gate, narrow is the way, and few there be that find it" was not a prophecy, it was a factual statement of conditions that existed then. Jesus clearly teaches the growth of the Kingdom and the rising tide of the gospel. It is the seed that grew to be a mighty tree. It is the small amount of leaven that a woman mixed with a bunch of dough, till it changed all the dough. And in many other ways did he teach and show that the Kingdom would grow and grow and grow.
Jason, is your cousin single?
Harvey: I say this with all respect -- you haven't always won debates, because you didn't beat Rabby. He responded to you just a few posts back about your "cool for Christ" thing and he totally shut you down, dude.
It's not wise to mess with my little friend. 8-)
I bested Rabby (or is it really you? :) on Nikki Tatom's blog, regarding those same comments. As a matter of record, nobody on that blog could counter me. I say this strictly for the glory of God, not my own glory. I am nothing. But what God has revealed to me, I must share with others.
It helps us all to be more effective workers for the kingdom.
Harvey,
I'm not sure how my cousin's beliefs and her marital status are related.
And no, you may not go out with her :)
Hello, this is Harvey Brown.
Hahaha, can't blame a man for trying!
Hello, Harvey Brown.
I've also found it quite helpful to think WWJD? when making important decisions, like whether or not to buy makeup tested on rabbits. But what do you think of Christians wearing bracelets that say DWJWD instead? I believe that this encourages them to DO what Jesus would do, rather than just think about what He might have done.
Let me give you a for instance: say that a young man is wondering whether or not he should get drunk and wreck his dad's camaro. If he merely wore a WWJD? bracelet, mightn't he just say, "Nope, Jesus wouldn't do it, but it sounds like fun anyway!" But if he added a DWJWD bracelet to his wrist he might feel convicted by that little bit of material's testimony to him and say, "Aw, shoot. Guess I can't go get drunk and wreck dad's camaro now."
I enjoy hearing your opinions, Mr. Brown. Please let me know what you think of this idea.
This is Harvey Brown. Hello.
I hesitate to talk about this because I am actually in the process of developing some new bracelet ideas and talking to some Christian distributors. So it seems that great minds think alike, Laura.
I have a whole bunch of ideas for bracelets. I'll give you two examples:
WWJT -- What Would Jesus Think? This will be primarily for the ladies. When you wear it, you will be reminded to dress holy. If you start to put on those tight clothes that make men think the unthinkable, then you will be prompted, by the bracelet, to wear something a little less revealing.
And then I've got one called WJLTS -- Would Jesus Let That Slide? This would help you to be bold for Him whenever you hear someone slander Him or take His name in vain.
I've been developing these for awhile but I haven't pursued them full-throttle yet because I've been working on a Christian gangster rap CD. I've been "learning the lingo" so I can speak with authenticity to all those street people that are, as they say, "Down with that."
I don't know if you or anyone else even reads your comments page anymore. I'm learning a lot about Jesus and us, His bride. In fact, it's so much that I think I'm going to write a blog post about it. Thanks for the inspiration.
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